![]() Can a Yes/No/Maybe List Fix Your Sex Life? “This can lead you to try new sex toys, watch different porn, or learn about specific kinks or activities,” she notes. “Regardless of whether you’re single, partnered or in a relationship with multiple partners, considering your sexual desires, values and boundaries can help you to better understand yourself and boost sexual self-esteem,” says O’Reilly.Īs for the list itself, Lords considers it “a great way to learn more about the sexual activities you’d like to try or fantasies you’d like to explore. While yes/no/maybe lists are often conceived of as a way for two people in a relationship (or more, if you’re polyamorous) to learn about each other’s desires, there’s no requirement that says you have to do one with someone else. You can use an existing list, such as the one at the end of this article, or create your own. Jess O’Reilly, Ph.D., host of the Podcast, adds that this kind of list “can help you to communicate about your sexual desires, interests, curiosities and boundaries.” “A yes/no/maybe list is a list of sexual activities that a person or couple uses to determine what they want to do/experience/try, what they don’t want to do, or what they might like to try if they learn more or if they grow more comfortable with the idea,” says Kayla Lords, a sexpert for and the founder of. When people talk about married or long-term relationship sex becoming monotonous, they’re typically talking about two people who have no experience communicating their desires to one another.īut what would sex look like if you and your partner genuinely understood what each other wanted in bed in a real way? A yes/no/maybe list is a way to nip that silence in the bud by being open, together, about what you like and seeing where it takes you. Check it out: What Is a Yes/No/Maybe List? ![]() In order to understand how yes/no/maybe lists work, as well as what they can and can’t do for your sex life, AskMen spoke with two sexperts (plus made a bonus handcrafted list to help jumpstart your sex life). So how do you start talking about what you want? As it happens, there’s a great tool for this kind of thing that exists in the sex education and kink community referred to as a yes/no/maybe list. ![]() While it’s scary to imagine the person you trust feeling differently about you if they don’t like what you like, if you’re too shy to bring up what you find arousing, you’ll never discover what your partner will or won’t be into. So many people are raised to be ashamed of their desire, and anything that doesn’t fit into a very vanilla view of sex can be seen as weird or gross. RELATED: The Most Common Sexual Fetishes, RevealedĪs illogical as that may seem - if you’re only having sex with one person, that partner shouldn’t know what you find most pleasurable - it does make a certain kind of sense. Most people are not very comfortable opening up about what they find arousing.Įven commenters on porn sites are typically anonymous, and those browsing the internet to buy a sex toy online want to know if it’ll come in extra-discreet packaging.īut while it’s one thing to hide your true desires from the world at large, many people also hide their true desires from their partners, too.
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